General Problem/Help Topic

[Tsunamix]

So I've noticed for a while that the old help topic was closed and archived due to one of the forum upgrades, so I decided to take it upon myself and recreate it.

Seeing as I'm already here, I guess I'll start. Those of you who have been in chat for the past year and have talked to me occasionally pretty much already know what I've been through. Those who haven't can find the story here: http://www.xanaslair.com/t857p45-general-problem-help-topic#44209

To sum it up, my life's been in a complete wreck. Ever since what happened that day, nothing's ever gone right: I can't sleep, I'm constantly paranoid, I've been overreacting over misunderstandings and been getting into fights because of it and when I do fall asleep, I wake up feeling even more miserable than before. Being rejected from the college I dreamed of going to since the eighth grade didn't help; obviously, it only made me hate myself even more. If I learned one thing from my experiences, it's this: Always expect the worst and I'll never be disappointed, a belief I still hold on to today. Every day, I start my mornings and end my nights by asking myself the same questions: 'Why am I not good enough for the best?', 'Why am I not the person I want to be?', 'If the only way standing in our way is ourselves, why are we constantly being judged by schools and college admissions over whether or not we're 'smart' or 'good enough' we are for them?' 'What do I have left to live for?'

I've often though of just ending my life and putting an end to my, and everyone else's, suffering in the easiest and most painless way possible. I mean, why not? I can't do anything right, I'm only kidding myself when I aim for the top and everything that was ever good about my life never lasts and disappears. As I mentioned in my other post, though, the problem is that I'm too afraid of dying to even attempt it, so I'm constantly living in suffering as a result.

I've lived a life of decency, I've worked hard, I've followed the rules, I did no harm to anyone (prior to the incident in school), so why have I constantly been punished for it? Why have I always been victimized for being different? Why have I always had to constantly hear about what great people my peers are, at school and XL, and constantly be in their shadows while I get little to no praise or respect for what I can already do and what I feel to be an achievement. And don't get me started on my school's award ceremony where I was made to sit and watch student after student get award after award for doing everything I could never do while I was stuck with an honor cord for getting at least a 3.0, which I threw away soon after.

I would have minded it only a little less if I had gotten into the college I dreamed of, the one thing that would've made me happy and would've had proved to the best, proved to everyone, that I could be among the best students as well as finally getting away from everyone who ever bullied me (The school was among the top in the nation; there was virtually no chance that people like them would've been accepted). That's the reason I worked as hard as I did, that's the reason why I pushed myself to be better than I already was, that's the reason why I punished myself for procrastinating by forcing myself to stay up until all my work was done and not going to bed until midnight and only getting six hours of sleep. I did all that and more and got nothing out of it. I worked my hardest for nothing and the best I got out of it was a second-rate, no-name college with nothing to its name. I might as well be dead or living in the streets. Especially since I'm already in college, I have nothing to work for other than getting a degree.

I'm sick of being me. I'm sick of having to hear about the talents and accomplishments of many while I've done nothing with my life. Even if I started now, what would I have to gain? They've still done it and they've still been praised for it. Me doing it will only make me a second-rate version of themselves; I don't want that. All I want is some clarity on life; to be told why I'm this way and not some other way, why I'm not who I want to be.

[Soul Jelly]

I recommend therapy if you can access/afford it. It'll help you to change your (incredibly skewed and unhealthy) way of thinking so you focus on the positives rather than the negatives and learn how to combat unhelpful thoughts.

The thing is, you have to be willing to make those changes yourself. People can reassure you until they're blue in the face, but unless you make the effort to start thinking positively about yourself, even if you believe you're lying to yourself to begin with, it's all for nothing.

[Tsunamix]

I recommend therapy if you can access/afford it. It'll help you to change your (incredibly skewed and unhealthy) way of thinking so you focus on the positives rather than the negatives and learn how to combat unhelpful thoughts.

The thing is, you have to be willing to make those changes yourself. People can reassure you until they're blue in the face, but unless you make the effort to start thinking positively about yourself, even if you believe you're lying to yourself to begin with, it's all for nothing.

Thankfully, they do have a counseling and psychological center at the university, so that helps me.

Even though I'm willing to try, it's too hard for me. Every time I try to do something about it, something always comes along and makes me feel even worse and there's nothing I can do about it. I just don't know where to start. Also, if you believe you're lying to yourself when you try to convince yourself, it doesn't help at all.

[naruto'sramengirl]

I'm sorry you feel this way, but take it from me, you're a wonderful person. And many of those people who have all of those "glamorous" acheivements, tend to be too smart to function in the real world. I'm serious. Not all of them, but most end up self-destructing by trying way too hard or by not trying at all. Those who tend to succeed are familiar with failure (just ask any business man/woman). Don't get so hung up on awards or what type of college you go to. Make the best of what you have and try and persevere. You owe it to yourself not to give up so easily even if you do feel so bad. I agree that you should try and get some counseling. And I pray that you get better. Being the top is not worth it anyways. They too have problems and issues as well. Some even worse than yours, believe it or not. I just hope that anything I've said makes you feel at least a little better about yourself.

[Stella Luce 333]

I’m really sorry to hear that your first choice didn’t accept you. I know how it feels to be rejected by your dream school…That said, I feel like these things happen for a reason. You’re still getting a college education, & that will help you later in life. Here’s the thing about college: Very few people know what they want to do when they start out. That’s what college is for, to help you figure out who you are & who you want to be. Remember, all of us here support you, & we’re only an Internet connection away…

[Koneko on lyoko]

...I'm not really sure where to put this, but here seems ok. It's homework help.
I have a sheet of equations that I need to factorise and I really don't get it.
The reason is is that it's slightly different to what we've been doing in class.
In class: x(squared)+2x-15 the answer is (x+5)(x-3)
On the sheet I have for hw: x(squared)+5
I have no idea what the answer is.

[Atlas]

Try (x + sqroot(5)i) (x - sqroot(5)i).

Assuming you are working with imaginary numbers.

[naruto'sramengirl]

Have you learned the quadratic equation? If you have then you can use that. I'd type it up here, but It would be way too confusing to do so. Google it, and get the formula. And just so you know, A is 1, B is 0, and C is 5. You'll need to know that in order to replace the letters in the formula.

[Atlas]

Have you learned the quadratic equation? If you have then you can use that. I'd type it up here, but It would be way too confusing to do so. Google it, and get the formula. And just so you know, A is 1, B is 0, and C is 5. You'll need to know that in order to replace the letters in the formula.

That too lol.

[Soul Jelly]

General advice:

If you're feeling down, do something nice for someone else. It takes your mind off your negativity and channels it into something productive, and it's just a really good feeling to make someone's day without expecting anything back.

I've been doing this a lot lately, and it helps. ^^

[cya6]

Suna, I hope you know that just because you're not the best at something, doesn't mean you're not good at it. I've had issues with insecurities too. It seems nothing I can do in my house will get me more than passing praise from my family, while the majority of the praise is heaped on my siblings for doing fairly small things. But what you have to see is that you're never going to be the best at anything. If you want to achieve something, it should be because you want to, and not so that you can get ahead of someone else.

Because, honestly Suna, short of becoming the absolute best at everything, I don't think there's much that can change your outlook on life. You'll get something, and it'll instantly become not good enough, cause it's not the best. Short of being the best, there will always be someone better. You need to shake the mindset that you have to be the best. You have to become more comfortable with who you are, with what you can do. Find what you enjoy and work on it to a degree where you're happy with how you can do it, and not how it compares with everyone else.

Consider had you gone to the prestigious school you really wanted to get in. Would you have been much happier among the brilliant minds of that school? Unless you can shake the insecurities, chances are, you may have felt even worse there. If you really have to struggle and claw your way in, you're not going to be able to compete, and that would have made things even harder.

I know you may not want ot hear it, but there are people out there who's lives would make yours look easy. And there are many of them who will not have happy endings. That's the way of the world. If these people's lives can do downhill without ever improving, it's safe to say yours can. And only you can stop it from doing so. The world isn't going to improve your life, and if you sit around and curse everyoen around you, waiting for it to do so, then you're just going to be unhappy. The world hasn't cursed you. You have to dig yourself out of this hole you've put yourself in.

My only problem is I don't know how you can do that, considering I haven't had much success pulling myself out XP.

The thing that's worked best for me has just been socializing, because making friends can make you feel much more apriciated. Keep your focus on what matters: who you are. what you mean to other people who matter to you. what you can achieve. Stop focusing on how you compare to people, how people who don't matter see you. what you could have achieved if you had done something different in your past.

If you take anything from my rambling post, it's this: STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS! That's not what your life should be about. And that will drive you insane. You're not a second rate version of anyone. We all have lofty goals. Strive for them, but don't get bogged down in them! I would call you a liar if you told me you had never recieved praise. I am more willing to bet that if you do receive praise, you write it off as: not being sincerce, as not being as much as was given to another. It can go on and on. Nothing is going to make you satisfied unless you change your mindset.

And don't for a second think that you're not an integral part of the people around you's lives.

[aelitaxwilliam]

Do you guys get how to predict which ions are going to be the spectator ions (when doing complex ion reactions, if that makes any difference)? I know you can do it the long way and write the whole equation out, but my teacher says I'm supposed to be able to predict which ions are spectators and eliminate them before predicting the product.

[Koneko on lyoko]

(I can't make the numbers small but you can still see the formulas)
Ethenol C2H5OH
Propanol C3H7OH
Butanol C4H9OH

Why does an alcohol with more carbon atoms have a higher temperature rise per gram?
I seriously don't get this question (-.-")

[Soul Jelly]

I'm really sorry for not being able to help with these questions you two. I've forgotten absolutely everything I learned in high school chemistry. -_-

As for my own problem though; I need ideas for a Hallowe'en costume, preferably something scary. Any ideas?

[Koneko on lyoko]

With the right make up you can do a very convincing zombie, they have some good make up and latex skin stuff at Party Planet. That's where I got my wig for my Yuno cosplay.
Go as an insane character from something, or be possessed by XANA or...if all else fails dress entirely in black with a black veil and be the woman in black.

[aelitaxwilliam]

if I'm understanding the question correctly, you're asking why you need to heat Carbon to a higher temperature per every extra gram? maybe?? Just going to put it out there that I hate organic chemistry with a passion, but I'm throwing stuff out there *throws*

It could be that Carbon's a pretty stable atom as far as things go. It's not a nasty reactive gas, and it doesn't like to blow up when it comes in contact with other elements (HAHAHA am i losing my credibility yet). And hmm, as far as things go, Carbon does like to make bonds and those bonds aren't easy to break up, if I'm remembering correctly. actually, I think the C-H bonds are ionic though I'm too lazy to find my electromagnetic table to check. Have fun breaking up ionic bonds, not to mention, I'm pretty sure C-H bonds are actually really stable as far as things go.

And umm, that's all I can pull out of the top of my head. But you've got to let us know the answer because I'm sure there are far better/correct explanations than what I rambled.

@Jell; aww, that's fine. I was going through this phase I think where I was really desperate for answers, so I basically posted everywhere I could think of (thank you, Yahoo Answers). By the time I posted here, it was way too late for most people to actually come online and have the time to work it out. And hmm, if you want to be cheap or go the easy route, you could dress up as Jigsaw from Saw. He's always terrified me. Or Jason Vorhees, but you've got to perfect a menacing kind of stance to pull it off, I think. Kay's suggestions are more creative though.

[Tsunamix]

I think with school winding down, I should take this time to update what has been going on with me and my life.

Since November, I've been seeing a psychologist and told him everything that I've said in this topic and the the topic before it. Eventually, he decided that I should be set up with a psychiatrist. I met the psychiatrist on January after I came back from Christmas Break and I told her everything I told the psychologist. I was then diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and I still continue to take medication. Weeks later, I got a notice from the university saying that I had been placed on academic probation (meaning I couldn't register for the next semester) as a result of my Fall semester grades and then it started going downhill again.

As I struggled to bring my grades up, which included more sessions with the psychiatrist, a meeting at Student Disability Services, etc., my Dad, who had been concerned about my academic performance for a while now, thought it would be best if I were to leave school for a year and come back when I feel I'm ready (I'm on a program where my tuition is slashed by 95% and since that could no longer be in effect as a result of my grades, Dad felt like he shouldn't be paying the full tuition). When I told my grandmother (I was staying with her for the weekend at the time), she was vehemently against the idea and suggested that I tell my parents everything.

Eventually I did. I fessed up, told them about the probation, my depression, all of that. Knowing what I was going through, they felt it was only right to help me out. We talked to the people in charge of the tuition program and after telling them everything, they agreed to have me take summer courses to make up for lost credit (I had dropped two classes midway through the Winter semester and thus lost 6 of 12 credit hours required for qualification).

That being said, things have gotten a lot better since last year and I continue to hope that despite all the setbacks I've faced, things will get better.

Looking forward to brighter days

-Tsunamix

[cya6]

I'm really glad to hear that, Suna! I remember a while ago you had posted about this and I had been worried, because we never really heard back from you, which is generally a sign that things aren't really improving.
And depression sucks. It so sucks. I've been through some awful depression this winter/early spring, doing all that cutting and almost jumping in front of trains and sobbing to the one person on the planet who can make me feel better.
It sounds like you have it awful Suna, and I really hope things continue to look up for you! ^_^

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