PortalSnickie's Scripts
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Snickie's Scripts
by Snickie Wed Jan 23, 2013 8:15 pm
So, back in middle school I used to write random short scripts. With my bff whom here I will call Courtney, and my frenemy Paige. They were veeeerrrryyy random and related to nothing in particular. Anyway, I was looking through my closet for a pronged folder and found a few of them. And since FF.net and FictionPress are all like, "NEUOOOO SHKRIPTSH HOW DAR YUU!!!!!", I'm going to post them here instead. :3
I'll post them under spoiler tags.
A quick note: around this time I was a member of some other forum and went under the name "Cheese", so randomly named types of cheese are a reference to that.
And there are mooooooaaaarrreeeeee. Somewhere. I don't know where, but there are mooooaaaaaarrrreeeeee.
I'll post them under spoiler tags.
A quick note: around this time I was a member of some other forum and went under the name "Cheese", so randomly named types of cheese are a reference to that.
- 1812 reenactment from 8th grade:
WORLD DOMINATION
Synopsis: Emily is America. Courtney is France. Paige is Britain. This is my version of the World of 1812.
P: I'm mad at the world again!
E: Uh... congratulations?
P: You know what I'm gonna do?
E: No, tell me what you're gonna do. -bored-
P: I'm gonna attack Courtney!
E: Good luck with that.
*****
C: Emily, can I borrow your book of rude quotes for, oh, say, a couple of months?
E: That'll be $50.
C: Fine. -forks over $50-
P: Hey! Why are you still trading with her?! -steals monopoly piece-
E: -stares- That's MY Monopoly piece!
P: It's MINE now! -steals another-
E: That's it... NO MORE LOANING TO ANYONE!
I: Awww... I wanted some mozzarella.
H: Taleggio was what I was after.
E: Oh, okay, fine. I'm not trading with Courtney or Paige.
H&I: Yay!
P: -sends undead army to fight Courtney-
C: A little help here?! -pirate army is slowly losing-
E: Fine, fine. I DECLARE WAR ON PAIGE for stealing my Monopoly pieces. -sends army of ninjas-
P: How fun. -undead army slowly beginning to fail-
C: FINALLY! Signs of weakness! -pushes pirate force further-
P: HA! -unleashes ultimate plan-
C: Holy CRAP! -pirates dying everywhere-
P: DIE, DIE, DIE!
C: -last of acceptable pirates die- I surrender. -gives up.-
P: YAY! Now off to other matters. -sends undead army to fight ninja army-
E: Holy CRAP! That's IMPOSSIBLY huge! -stares with shock-
P: I know! -gloats-
E: -rolls eyes and pushes miniscule Ninja army further-
P: Oh, by the way, here are your Monopoly pieces back.
E: -stares- You could have given them back sooner!
P: Oh, I know.
E: So why didn't you?
P: -shrugs- You're writing the script!
E: Oh... -facepalm-
C: You just realized that?
E: No. -brief pause- I just thought there was something missing.
C: Well what's missing?
E: This. -turns on stereo with Nickel Creek paying-
C: Hmm... I suppose that'll work for now...
P: What?? No Hannah Montana or Phantom of the Opera?!
E: I'm writing the sccript, remember? If you want to dance to Hannah Montana, do it in your own script.
P: Fine! -steals pencil-
E: I'm writing in pen...
P: Oh yeah? Well I'm writing in pencil. I can erase mistakes.
E: Whatever. -doesn't care- -big victory-
P: How did you...!?
E: -in midst of Paige's shock, another huge victory is scored-
C: WOOO! Go Emily!
P: I can't believe this! This is impossible!
E: Apparently it's not. It just happened.
P: You cheated.
E: Uh, no, I didn't.
P: You took advantage of my shock to attack!
E: No, that wasn't cheating. That was strategy.
C: WOOT! Go Em!
E: -shakes head- Can I just have my pencil back?
P: Fine. But first... -plays Hannah Montana- Okay! Oh! One more thing... don't turn that off.
E: -groans- Fine. Just give it back already.
P: Okay! -hands over pencil-
E: At last! Okay! -changes to Nickel Creek-
P: I told you not to turn that off, you lying b****!
E: Don't dare impude me of my honor, girl. I agreed not to turn it off, but it was you who failed to specify stereo or song.
P: This is so not fair.
C: Life ain't fair, kiddo.
P: You've been watching too much Pirates.
C: And it's up to you to decide how much Pirates I watch, I suppose?
P: No...but I can tell it's too much.
E: -stares at pencil, then stabs Paige with it-
C: Thanks, Em!
E: You're welcome.
- some random script as a bellringer:
This one feels so wrong now, probably because I know my mom would never react in the way I wrote it.
E: Hey, Mom!
M: Yes honey?
E: Can I have Courtney over for a Wii/horror movie marathon?
M: No, your room's not clean.
E: If I clean it, THEN can I have her over?
M: We'll see... just clean it already!
E: Okay.
***seven hours later***
E: *drags self out of room* I am DONE! MOM, LOOK! I CLEANED MY ROOM!
M: Oh wow! You did! I can see the floor! I didn't know there was tile in your room!
E: Yup! So can Courtney come?
M: We don't get everything we want, you know.
E: *cocks head to side* Have you been reading Courtney's journal? Nevermind... I can see you don't love me enough to let a friend spend the night. *turns away and sobs*
M: Aww, I still love you!
E: Prove it. *more sobbing*
M: Oh, fine, alright. Courtney can stay the night. *grumbles*
E: YAY! I promise we'll be really good and won't wake you up at midnight for nightmares so you won't regret this THANKS MOM I'm gonna go call Courtney RIGHT NOW! *dashes off at a million mph*
M: *shakes head ruefully and downs a bottle of wine*
- Another bell ringer boredom thing:
one of those things where I had to write half a page's worth of stuff. So, of course, I filled it with random script-y nonsense-y fluff.
Totally inaccurate, by the way. She'd be the one singing and I'd be the one like, "No, seriously, what's up."
E: Hey, Courtney! Come try this!
C: Okay, coming! -comes over from corner- Uh... what is that?
E: o/~ It's priest. Have a little priest.... o/~
C: No, really. What is it?
E: Apple pie.
C: Ew...
E: How can you say that? YOu haven't even tried it!
C: Well you've never tried cottage cheese and you say it's disgusting.
E: That's because it is disgusting and I have tried it, thank you very much.
C: Well, fine! Steak then.
E: I've had that too. I find it quite nasty.
C: Well you've never had steak the way my grandfather makes it.
E: Well you've never had my mom's apple pie. Come on, just try it.
C: ...
E: I won't make you eat the whole thing if you don't like it.
C: Alright, fine. I'll try it. But no guarantees that I'll like it. -takes a bite-
- I don't even know anymore. This one probably actually had a prompt but I don't remember what it was.:
Also spoils the end of Tim Burton's Sweeney Todd: the Demon Barber of Fleet Street
E: So do you think TV shows and movies today contain too much violence?
C: No! Not at all! Sweeney Todd is the best movie in existence and it has violence.
E: Ach, of course you'd use Sweeney Todd to defend that statement! *buries face in hands*
C: ...What'd I do?
E: Ugh, nevermind.
C: No, seriously! What'd I do?!
E: You're obsessed with that movie!
C: That's because it's awesome! Nothing can beat Johnny Depp and Tim Burton and singing!
E: What about gallons of blood pouring out of somebody's neck?
C: That was bloody AWESOME! Except at the end where the little-kid-whose-name-I-forgot kills Sweeney. I still can't believe he did that!
E: If I had a dollar for every time you said that, I'd be a rich person.
C: I thought the saying was a penny.
E: Inflation, okay? Pennies these days are worthless.
C: No they are not! You can throw them at people!
E: ...You love violence. Seriously.
C: On TV, yeah. What good movie doesn't have a little violence?
E: *points* That's one of the problems with America. Too much violence!
C: Ah, don't be such a hypocrite. You love Sweeney Todd too.
E: I'm American. What do you expect? We're all spoiled into thinking violence is okay, in fact, expected of us, thanks to the movies and television shows producers are putting out these days.
C: That's just life. You hat shirt Alex wore on Tuesday? The one that said, "Life without danger is a waste of oxygen"? I'd like to paraphrase that. Life without violence serves no purpose and would be downright boring. Jack Sparrow would have never existed!
E: *shakes head* You're missing the point.
C: That point would be my pencil, and if you don't shut up I'm going to stab you with it.
E:
Script abruptly ends here. Apparently I never finished that interaction.
- This one I wrote in seventh grade. No prompt. Very random.:
Stupidity Can Be Useful
E: So I hear Quin got murdered by Brittany again.
C: Do you know what for?
E: Nope, but she was absolutely livid. Fangs dripping venom and eyes red and everything!
C: Are you sure it wasn't red-eye from your camera?
E: I don't even have a camera.
C: Here comes Matt! Act natural!
E: *begins chirping while doing chicken dance*
C: Okay...not that kind of natural, idiot!
E: That I am.
C: An idiot?
E: No, a natural idiot. *smirks*
C: Same thing!
E: Whatever. *continues chicken dance*
M: *snickers* Hi, Emily. *stops snickering* Hello, Courtney.
C: *begins to seriously think about swooning* Heh heh...hi Matt.
M: Does she do this often?
E: Yeah, but only around guys *under breath* she likes.
M: What was that last part?
E: Nuttin'! ^^'
C: Matt... *is under trance* Weber...saxophone...
M: Courtney, are you okay? *is weirded out*
C: Oh, yeah. Everything is all hunky-dory. *is completely out of it*
E: *shoves Courtney away before she is able to say more* Sorry, Matt. I think she's had an overdose on sugar.
C: Pretty flowers...
E: GRANT! Take her please! *to Matt* Excuse me a sec...
G: *shows up and takes Courtney* You owe me, Emily.
E: So that's five? Okay, thanks. *back to Matt* So...where were we? Oh, yeah. So you wanted the music? Here it is. *hands Matt copy of Courtney's reveal charm* Do NOT play it in public, especially in front of... *motions to Courtney*. Other than that, go wild.
M: THanks. *waits for Emily to be out of earshot* Wow. She's nice. *begins sight-reading the new music* Cool! I can't wait to play this!
*****Meanwhile*****
G: Come on, Courtney. It's not so bad leaving Matt. He'll be there later.
C: Me no go.
G: He'll be there again. Times Square is one of the most popular rendezvous of the school.
C: *snaps out of it* HI, Grant. When did you get here? *looks around* Ooh...when did I get here?
G: I had to drag you out of Times Square. Why were you and Emily there with...that other guy?
C: I could ask you the same thing.
G: Good question. Why the hell am I here?
C: Hey, don't ask me. I'm shtoopid. *points crazy sign at self*
G: Oh, yeah. I left my homework here.
C: Well, why didn't you leave it here? Miss school on Monday and get the five days to make it up!
G: Good point. OK. See y later, Courtney.
C: No! Don't leave me! *breaks down sobbing*
G: *is already long gone*
C: NUUUUUOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *collapses*
E: Courtney, why are you on the ground?
C: Um...I dunno. Why am I on the ground? *gets up*
E: You wanna get ice cream?
C: You pay.
E: No way! You're the one who stole my cookie at lunch on Tuesday!
C: I was giving it to Paige fo--
E: So you both owe me.
C: Fine, I'll pay. You said Paige owes you?
E: Yup.
C: Sucks for her. *orders peanut butter ice cream*
E: Aw, come on, Court. You know I don't like peanut butter. If that's for me, then YOU still owe me.
C: Aw, fudge. Fine, okay. Actually this was for Paige.
E: For the death ritual? That works. Now you better order me something good!
C: Will strawberry cheesecake work?
E: Heck, yeah! I haven't had that flavor in forever. I can't find it anywhere except for that one Hershey's shop all the way in Virginia.
C: Cool. *orders strawberry cheesecake for Emily and cookies 'n' cream for self*
C&E: *sit in moonlight eating ice cream*
M: *prances up with alto* Emily! check out how awesome I am at this! *begins playing Courtney's reveal charm*
E: NUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *screams and covers ears*
C: *is already reciting deepest darkest secrets, including word-for-word what the Italian letter said*
E: *still screaming and trying to sedate Courtney by covering ears and mouth*
M: *is too busy playing to notice*
C&E: *eventually get away*
C: *snaps out of it*
E: So...how long have you liked Matt?
C: *turns 15 shades of red* What makes you think that?
E: Oh, just the fact that you blurted it out in front of him.
C: WHAT???!!!?!??!?!?!!?! *turns purple*
E: And I heard some interesting details about that Italian letter you sent to him last November. And the color of your...you know...
C: *has heart attack*
M: *has long since finished playing and has finally found girls* I was wondering where you'd gone. I had the hardest time-- what happened to Courtney? *looks shocked* *calls 911*
E: Heart attack. *pulls Courtney into ambulance as explaining* Wanna come?
M: *nods quickly and grabs Grant*
E,M&G: *ride in ambulance to hospital.
G: I hope she's okay.
E: She'd better be, or I won't have anybody to pick on about her crushes.
M: Who are her crushes?
E: I'd rather not say here...
Docs: *resuscitate Courtney*
Doc: She is not in a mental shock, and based on the tests-- *motions to the twenty million tubes running in and out of Courtney* --it seems to be the result of a reveal charm and the revealing of her secrets by others.
E: *turns beet red*
Doc: This is the only way it could have happened this badly. I know a good deal about reveal charms, and for one to work, it has to be played on a reeded instrument, preferably an alto saxophone, by a person of the opposite gender. The best results of the reveal charm happen when the person playing it is the victim's crush or date.
M: *turns 15 shades of red*
Doc: Usual warning signs include deliriousness in a hypnotic way and then when a good friend of the opposite gender says the right word--in this case it was rendezvous--she will be revived. She will, however, have no memory of what happened while delirious.
G: *turns redder than a tomato*
E: *trying not to stutter* If you're a doctor, how do you know all this?
Doc: Uh...Internet? And I've seen about twenty cases in the past month.
***Docs revive Courtney***
C: Where am I? What day is it? *looks to Matt and Grant* Who are these cute guys?
G&M: *turn impossible shades of red*
M: I gotta go now, I'm suposed to be home by 11:00 and it's 10:30. *runs out*
G: *follows*
E: Doc, you're a guy. Did you act like that when you were that age?
Doc: No, I was a computer geek at that age.
C: *remembers something* Didn't you say Alex could be in here?
E: Oh, boy...
A: STAND MAN TO THE RESCUE!!!!! *runs in wearing absurd constume* Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na STAND MAN!!!
M: *has walked in with alto by this point* Oh, boy.
A: *takes Matt's alto and plays Emily's reveal charm*
E: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *begins reciting deepest darkest secrets*
C: *is shocked* You like Matt??!!?!?!
M: *turns bright purple*
E: *has heart attack*
C: Come on, Matt, you're going to have to breathe sometime.
Doc: *over intercom* All faculty to Courtney's room, please bring anesthesia... and plenty of it!
And there are mooooooaaaarrreeeeee. Somewhere. I don't know where, but there are mooooaaaaaarrrreeeeee.
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